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How do I introduce kinky ideas to my conservative lover?

 

Written Answer (transcript of audio):

GUEST: The amount of time you spend in a relationship may give you a little bit more of an opening and more time because there does need to be trust, especially for women to try new things that are kind of kinky. But may be she has tried those in the past or maybe she wanted to and you just need a way to open her up to them.

BART: Open up the conversation.

GUEST: Yeah, one thing you could do is go to a store. If you’re driving around and there’s kind an adult store, a lingerie store, just go in there together, and say, "I wonder what they have in there." And go in there and look around. Talk about the things that are hard to talk about, like vibrators, especially little...

BART: Or the dirty video section. They’re all different fetishes.

GUEST: Special oils. Yeah. Yeah.

BART: Just go there and look. That’s a really non-threatening way as long as they.... You can say, "Honey, have you been to one of those places?"

   

GUEST: Yeah.

BART: "No, I wasn’t. I’m curious what’s in there." And then you can act as innocent as you want.

GUEST: Absolutely. Except when the person in the store says, "Hi, Bart." But then you can talk about the little fur-covered handcuffs together and say, "Hey, you know..." and it really opens the conversation and you might be surprised at how much more open she is.

BART: The second real simple technique is, if you’re listening to this course right now. You’ve already paid your money. It’s already right there on your computer. Guess what? Sit with your lover and go through the index and say, "Look. Look at this cool course that somebody gave me. Or that I have. I’m curious. There are some sections here that I’m curious. I’ve never heard of this stuff."

GUEST: Get an opinion. Say, "What do you think of this? I can’t believe what they said!"

BART: "Listen to these two guys on this tape. Oh my God!" Well that alone, no guilt on you, is saying, "Look what they’re saying. What do you think about that?"

GUEST: Yeah. You’re getting an opinion. Yeah.

BART: Yeah. And also of course when you’re watching movies, you can always bring up, "What about that? Have you done that? What do you think of that?" These are all ways to introduce the ideas to a lover that’s normally conservative. You may find there’s no interest in there, and that’s barking up a dead tree.

GUEST: Right.

BART: What you’ll usually find, there’s an interest in a certain level. You don’t know how far, but you’ve got to introduce them and talk about them before...

GUEST: Yeah. Because other ways to introduce them, bringing home a porno movie can really turn someone off.

BART: It will be shocking if it’s really violating...

GUEST: Or a book or a magazine, yeah. So you have to have something that’s a very safe and neutral way. So if you click on one of these links and say, "What do you think about what they’re saying here? This is really strange. I’ve never heard people really discuss this that openly," and let her listen and get the opinion (or him).

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